The Adderall Fog, the Brownies, and What My Body Was Trying to Tell Me
I recently finished a rough forty five day trial of Adderall. By the end I was drained, miserable, and dealing with something unusual for me: depression. I tend to run anxious, not low, so feeling that way in my own body was disorienting.
During that stretch, I stopped eating lunch entirely. Dinner was a fight unless it was something I truly craved. If a meal did not excite me, I could barely chew it without feeling nauseous.
Concerned, I started tracking again and found I was eating around 1,300 calories a day. For reference, I normally eat 2,000 to 2,200 calories, because that range is what actually feels good in my body. I learned that the hard way a few years ago, back when eating far less left me nearly passing out during weight training.
On top of the undereating, sugar was suddenly the only thing that sounded appealing (hello dopamine-releasing gas pedal).
Connecting the dots was not hard. I was eating almost a thousand fewer calories a day while lifting heavy and working full days. My body needed fuel, so it did what bodies do. It started demanding fast energy and calories, sugar and nut butter, constantly. That combination, undereating plus a blood sugar rollercoaster, sent me on a moody, energy crashing ride for weeks.
Coming Back Online
Once I came out of the fog, I went back to what I know works. I tracked again, made sure I hit my protein and fiber targets, and ate enough carbohydrates to actually meet my energy needs. Within days I felt more like myself.
Then the Brownies Showed Up
A week later, we spent a weekend celebrating family birthdays. Vacation plus birthdays meant plenty of dessert, including a plate of homemade, gluten free brownies sitting right on the kitchen counter.
They called to me constantly. While I made breakfast. While I walked the dog. While I sat on the couch trying to relax. I ate them, more than once.
Physically I felt mostly fine, aside from one dish with gluten that reminded me why I usually avoid it. But I noticed something else. A clear spike in anxiety followed, one that stuck around longer than I expected.
I am not citing research on sugar and anxiety here. I am just telling you what it felt like in my own body, and how obvious the connection was once I paid attention.
What I Took From It
None of this is a lesson about willpower or being "good." It is a reminder that my body talks to me constantly, through energy, mood, cravings, and sleep, and that the moments I feel worst are usually the moments I have stopped listening. Tracking, even briefly, is just my way of turning the volume back up.